A FRIDAY IN NAIROBI!

a view of nairobi at night

There is something different about Friday. Its divine, mystic, tangible, you can almost feel it. The atmosphere feels different even during this cold season .Friday mornings are warm unlike the other days. Welcome to Nairobi, the city in the sun, capital to the fastest growing economy in eastern and central Africa. It is the only city in the world with a national park at a walking distance. Home to marathon champions, Nobel Prize winners and even has a street known as river road where anything under the sun is possible!

Monday and other weekdays are characterized by impatient motorists, worried faces, jostling crowds, mad rush and glaring stares that give you the impression of a disillusioned city. However Fridays are different, people are so friendly, relaxed, jovial and talkative bordering rowdy. Even the notorious matatu drivers give way on this great day; motorists are not in a hurry to get to their destinations.

Lucky me, riding on a train to work in the city every morning I never stuck in traffic. The train commuters comprise of two distinct segments. The first are students. You can identify a student miles away by their attire. Most of the male students are in a pair of shorts, jeans, t-shirts and hoods.

The chiqs are mostly in fancy clothes, punk hairstyles, multiple piercing on their ears, flowery tattoos on their necks and cleavage and carry scary backpacks. Why would one carry a bag made in the shape of a monkey or bear? 

The common thing about the students is that they own some cheap imitations of beats by Dre headphones blaring lewd lyrics into their ears. I have discovered the most played song goes like ‘we found love in a hopeless place...’ If I hear it play once more methinks will go nuts, pick an axe and chop someone’s head off! By the way, does it come preloaded into these counterfeit ear pieces?

The second segment of commuters comprises of the working class. They are mostly middle –level management staff in the government ministries and blue-chip companies. The men are mostly in sharp, striped suits, pointy Italian shoes and maroon ties.

For the women, tightly fitting suits with the hemming line just above the knees. Golden rings in almost every finger, anklets, bracelets and complementing earrings accentuating their attire. Their wardrobe is not complete without a 5-inch heel. I’m amazed how they manage to walk around the whole day in such unhealthy contraptions. About their hairstyles...mmmh! I will not comment on that lest I’m stabbed in the back by an irate woman who spent the whole Sunday afternoon under all manner of crude salon tools only for me to dismiss her ‘eccentric’ hairstyle. 

On the streets of Nairobi, you can feel the cosmic energy emanating from the people you meet. On Fridays, the city is transformed into one big runway as people of all walks of life strut around in trendy outfits. Bright colours and skinny pants are the young generation’s favourite. You will not fail to see someone in west-African attire, oriental dress, old skul hip-hop clad or some Scottish dress. It is a metropolitan city, where cultures from all parts of the world fuse in perfect harmony. Whatever part of the planet you come from, you will feel right at home in Nairobi. After all traces of the early man were discovered in Kenya.

 In the offices, productivity is at its lowest on this day as workers make plans for the weekend. To make it worse this Friday happens to fall on the early days of the month when guys are loaded with cash. The real party lovers prefer heading to Nakuru or Naxvegas if you like. Naxvegas is a magnificent town in the expansive rift valley. It is located about two hours drive away from the capital. It is synonymous to non-stop hard partying, pocket friendly prices and the perfect place to carry out illicit affairs away from prying eyes of your neighbours. The greatest thing about Nakuru is that it’s a lot more secured compared to Nairobi.

By 5pm, the offices are deserted except for the few hard working guys. This is when you go through your phone book and call your partying crew members. Conversations go like “Niaje boss...uko wapi? So...where we heading tonight? ” The National Archives and Kencom are the Nairobians favourite meeting spots in town. Soon enough you hook up with other five buddies, go lazing around town and take a heavy meal in readiness for a thrilling evening.

Care should be taken least you cross the path of an overzealous cop who will arrest you for ‘looking at a government building suspiciously!’

It is even worse if you fall into the hands of a highly motivated council Askari. The Askaris hang around strategic junctions waiting to arrest anyone who breaks any of the numerous city council by-laws. When strolling around the CBD and throw a sweets wrapper into one of the rusty the trash bins which unfortunately lands on the pavement without your knowledge. What will transpire is a scene straight from a gangster movie. 

Three heavyset men will appear from nowhere, grab your belt from behind and frogmarch you to an old van. The council van is a jail on wheels. All its windows have a wire mesh welded over. Your short journey to the van is an experience you can never forget. The Askari’s manhandle their victims with unwarranted and ferocious force. Their grip will rip off all your shirt buttons, crumble your coat into a mangled ball, displaying your worn out underpants to public galore. Your pants will be pulled up so high almost touching your chin exposing the torn socks for the world to see. You will be very lucky to get to the van with both your shoes on.

 The smartest thing to do in such situations is to force a Ksh.500 note into the palm of the burly Askari and plead for your release. Woe unto you who abhor corruption or try to fight them off .These guys have received paramilitary training. They will clobber you senselessly then throw you into the crammed van. By the end of the operation, they drive all those arrested to holding cells in the industrial area. There you will be locked up for the whole weekend together with petty criminals. Come Monday, you and other ‘criminals’ will be arraigned to a court of law to answer to your charges.

If accosted by thugs in Nairobi it is advisable to cooperate fully. If you quietly give them all your valuables, they will not have a reason to hurt you. The good ones will leave you with some little cash for you bus fare home. They might even escort you to the bus stop while advising you on what areas of the city to keep off in order to avoid getting mugged again! Try to be a hero and I can assure you will end up with a slug in the head and if lucky a couple of broken ribs. I have a scar on my head earned after trying to use some karate moves I learnt back in high school on my assailants.

On this particular Friday, Nelson and I decide to sample some popular nightclubs on Kimanthi Street. Our plans are cut short by some mean looking bouncers manning the entrance. They insist that we cannot be allowed in due to our age! For heaven sake, why would they insist on only admitting people above 25?  I am 22 years old, an adult recognised by the state, able to get into a contract only to be stopped from getting into a stupid nightclub. After going to the next one on the same street only to be barred from entry for the same reasons, we set out to the less strict joints on Moi Avenue.

We found one without Age-restrictions. Lighting is perfect, beautiful ladies all over; ambitious guys try to make off with one of these majestic creatures and the music to my liking. We pick a table at a corner with a vantage view of the entrance and dance floor.

My friend nudges me to look a couple of tables to the right where two fine looking chiqs have been giving us inviting looks. Aha! the DJ is now playing my favourite song so I grab my drink and make way to the dance floor planning to unleash some killer dance moves I perfected last night...this is going to be an interesting night!

I wish you all a great weekend...Adios!

follow  writer on twitter @markmaish

Ps: The magical wildebeest migration is about to begin in the Maasai Mara. It is the perfect time to visit Kenya and have a taste of our many attractions.

By lammergeier