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| NMK |
My two noisy brothers are away in boarding schools, dotting mother on a flight halfway across the globe and my closest friends not around so I am stuck at home with my old man. You can imagine our conversations; business, career and technology nothing sissy like birthdays. Since cooking seems like rocket science and being in the kitchen makes me feel like manoeuvring through a minefield, I’m certain there won’t be any party. Turning 22 years of age, it has been a long, treacherous journey trying to discovery self, abilities and purpose in life.
Being the first-born has its perquisites and even more pitfalls. Since I did not have a bigger brother to learn from about swag, fashion and sexual matters mom took up the responsibility. When I turned 13 she taught me how to use condoms and played the role of my fashion consultant. I was dressed in suits and baggy clothes. I am inclined to believe they were deliberately oversized so that I would not outgrow them fast. Funny enough the pants do not fit me to this date!
After high school, as my peers were hanging out and having fun I was tasked to manage the family business. Every evening I would frequent a particular pub and meet a couple of older business men. That’s where I learnt the art of making deals, seizing opportunities, complexity of marriages and how to be a responsible man. I hardly spent time with other young people talking of latest celebrity gossip. Every minute awake was spent working.
One Friday evening I went to a rugby tournament to meet Esther*(not her real name). I was shocked to find out that I was the only dude in a suit. All the other guys were casually dressed. She came to say ‘hi’, we hugged then she disappeared into the crowd never to return. Tried her cell phone but all I got was some recorded message ‘samahani , mteja wa nambari unayopiga...’ You can imagine how I felt especially since we had planned to spend the whole night together!
On a different occasion, I went to a date with Janet* in a baggy jean, oversize shirt and some hideous open-scandals. Well you cannot blame a guy who hangs out mostly with old men, out of touch with fashion trends, trying to pull off a casual look. I think I saw her sneer on my back. After the date we went to a shopping mall. Dude, they must have owned every pricey item on display. “this is exactly what my dressing table looks like…that’s my mom’s perfume…that’s how big our TV is…that’s the car my dad drives…my ex-B.F bought me this on valentine…we went to Seychelles last vacation” she ranted hours on end.
I meet so many guys on campus with low levels of confidence believing since they are less attractive, poorer and unexposed hence lesser beings. I even know of a guy who thinks he isn’t good enough to have a girlfriend! They look up upon guys like me who own a few fancy gadgets, designer garments, living on the fast lane and a little ‘swagged out’ thinking we are better off. Contrary to the popular belief one is not born a high-flier. It is a trait one acquires once they accept their weaknesses, maximize on strengths and stop at nothing to get what they want. Swagger is not pegged on ones social standing it’s determined by the individual’s mentality.
On the path of self-discovery, I had my share of ass-kissing, jilted, friend zoned (worst thing that could ever happen to any dude) and a shot at male chivalry; chocolate bars and roses. I made so many mistakes and had even more embarrassing moments but that never killed my spirit. If anything it made me a better person. My confidence has increased exponentially and so did my swag. I turned from being a social disaster to a slick dude. You too can transform.
That said I would like to urge our sisters not to look down upon young males with poor sense of fashion as they may still be on the path of self-discovery. And for the two ladies I put off with my dressing if reading this, please contact me so we can hook up and see how much I’ve improved since we last met!
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| mark maina |
By Mark Maina
